Thank you. How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them. At this point though I would like to create a boundary and consequences for his going for drinks afterwards at a very late hour which I find inappropriate and creates a cycle of sleep deprivation and more NPD actions for long periods of time. I found out after many years that my father had these traits, and I dated several men over the years very much like him. But with your advice in my mind, I already managed to stop discussions without threatening to leave him. But also confusing if you want to find a way forward through this. He is a disbarred attorney who signed an amicable divorce decree but of course, has refused to pay a penny and has left us in a mess. I am confident, blonde and not a bad looker but boy can this man bring me to grey and confusion to any woman. How do we build trust, if my N is not willing to keep a promise? And to start a business that my name is on, 51% mine and that it will buy his business. My advice if you are in a relationship with a nar, get out and dont let them manipulate you back in. Still in shock over a year later. Its pathetic and he totally blinds everyone what a user he is. The Narcissist's Excuses - Mental Health Matters Cofe Although it was his decision, not mine, he recently said that he felt abandoned by me before he abandoned me. There is no helping these Nar people, you can only preserve your own sanity, be strong and protect yourself. I never said that! I have just left a 10yr relationship with a Narcissist and I feel physically and mentally exhausted. Please! We have been together 13 years, and it was only just in the last few that Ive identified him as a narcissist for what that truly means. But narcissists do not like that idea. But please be careful and have a look at the last chapter of Back From the Looking Glass before you do. I have been reading your articles for about a year now. And also there might be a difference in willingness to open up. With his having to have things a certain way, hes cost the company money and possibly earned a reputationthat or the boss really does like him and is giving him more responsibilitywho knows, I just know the fall out of it all! I did fall into withdrawing from him when it started to fail and now recognize that this may have been due to my own inability to love/TRUSTand my way of trying to yield a different result (aka control?) I am done beating my head into a wall. Our whole program is about you becoming authoritive and able to take the lead effectively. He wont make her happy she will be sad feel unloved and insecure with such a guy. Also ask the CPS for assistance and any numbers can give you. He will never admit hes wrong. Have we had good times? I will be back in a few minutes to read this blog. 3. It is always me. I was slapped, hit, kicked, bitten, told that I was not a man and it was all my fault for her behaving in such a manner. But God, do I miss the good. I was speechless. As Kym and others have said living with someone with NPD is at best very difficult and at worst totally impossible. Did I catch it from him? I offered for you to drive the new one but you said no its ok, I drive the old one. But I wasnt trusting his intentions. He HAS improved, but his basic method of interaction is still unempathetic bullying, put-downs, anger, outbursts, only occasionally considering my needs and concerns, and not being accountable for the little things in life. Protect your kids! Thank you again. Ann, I hear ya on missing the good. Giving him boundaries didnt help him and made him feel more alone. I would encourage you to read all you can get your hands on from Kim and Steve. I insulted him, I judge him, I made his life miserable for some time. There are men out there who also face these issues and not all of them are strait. It was only in the last two years that, through counseling, I realized she was a narcissist. Hi Lisa, Hang in there! Mostly, I hope you will, if youre reading this. He was mad, but he has not been pushing this limit since. Curious as I educate myself on this. He was threatening suicide and has a history of using violence against me. He even told the marriage counselor he couldnt promise (an affair) wouldnt happen again! Holding a person accountable for what they did in the past is a waste of time and should be forgotten. Are they likely to rape you again? Everyday is a challenge. If you respect yourself enough to stand up for your own interests this will earn others respect too. Hes a gigolo too, pretty sure of it.I need him out of here and dont know how to be more blunt. Your last comment to me when I told you I was giving up on this relationship was. It also focus the responsability, in oneself(mua). I know he will never agree to have his check deposited into my account. I cant redo what happened between us and he has no interest at all in making any changes in himself and obviously hes not interested in me anymore and Im wasting my time by trying. It might be a better option to push for him to have his pay deposited into your account for budgeting (so his bills are covered first before you give him money to spend) or else you may need to speak with his employees about the situation because he is not providing for his family. I am thinking I want to ask him tonite if he has decided and if he starts all over to bypass and avoid answering, to tell him that its ok but that I have to make decisions and that I think it is better that we keep our finances completely seperate from now on and that he find his own place to live when he comes back home. I understand the accountable methods u suggested, done it that way in spme situations. They have forgiven you time and time again. Hi While i think you mean well and im sure there are many you have helped. Another reveals the. If you are still living with him you are going to need to be very strategic in figuring out how you can 100% limit the abuse. 12 Amber Lives in Leeds, West Yorkshire, UK Author has 78 answers and 30.8K answer views 2 y Related Kim, you also say about leaving accountability to others. I really think your theory is wise! Ive had to learn to detach rather than focus on atttachment. Holding narcissists ACCOUNTABLE: the DARVO method DoctorRamani 1.26M subscribers Subscribe 10K Share 174K views 2 months ago SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM:. I am still married and my husband and i are now really good friends so that had a happy ending. I know where this comes from, even knowing this it hasnt changed a thing. The only thing thats good about these types, is getting rid of them, knowing throughout their life, everyone else will dispise them too, sooner or later. Years later he still says it was all my fault and I made it all up. They cannot put themselves into your shoes and feel or understand. ( but remember your children are learning this unhealthy behavior) I had to get over my embarrassment of ever tolerating or choosing this deranged fool for a partner, how ridiculous. Guess that is what still hurts him most. I immediately hated who I was becoming, he was trying to get me from being a mum to being dependent again (this was good!) Your materials and tips were and are instrumental in my change from complete co-dependency and despondance to feeling stronger and communicating clearly. There are steps in The Love Safety Net Workbook that will help you create a home environment that builds attachment and trust. That is why YOU don't confront them alone be it male or female, you must be clever. etcthen says he is not violent. I have become physically ill from this(lungs). Narcissism is very hard to diagnose - even by experts. When I said your kids learn this bad behavior either to be a codependant or narcissist I see my own children my daughter being unable to keep boundaries and stand up for herself and what she wont accept. A person doing something in anger or acting irrationally often plays into the narcissist's narrative that the person has . His response is that he does not need to tell us whether or not he has moved on, while hurting the ones that love him because not care that he who calls us his family, is feeling this change in him, and yet he refuses to explain. Then what if they break the promise? Hi Rose Boundaries should always be set with action not words. He has been paying for his share of the utilities so that I give him credit for but everything else is pretty much up to me. Right this second I am so angry more angry probobly than ever in my life at him over what appears to be infidelity and porn and him always blaming others for what he does wrong.. How much can a person swallow and stroke anothers ego before it is just too much! I want to believe them so much. Mine treated me like a queen for 6 months. I dont think the answer to the question of rape is simple. It really helps!! Catherine, Just reading all these responses it seems most of the sufferers of this kind of narcissistic abuse are females, and that most abusive narcissists are males; although Im sure there must also be male sufferers of female Ns too.. However, he continued to push and push to see if I would break.trying to get me to act as immature as he wouldso he wouldnt feel inferior.or at least cause me pain to ease his own. I have been married for 15 years with two kids with my husband. Many rapes occur repeatedly and by family members and even if exposed the victim is not believed. Hang in their people get yourself educated about their illness and know this is a mental condition. Who does something like that to their kids? You cannot decide what they will do and if they ask what you want you need to be ready to say, It appears he is having severe withdrawals and if his medication is not monitored more closely I am concerned about what may result.. Narcissists are excellent crazy makers!! I will admit though, it is very hard not to slip back into old patterns, and the hardest of all, is that I still have strong feelings for him, its just about impossible not to after all those years, 5 kids and so many shared experiences, not all of which were bad. Still not enough he then decided to leave on New Years eve to go with his daughter to Hastings (leaving me alone and my daughter with her dad) but months later I realized he went with his ex wife and daughter to Hastings because he couldnt cope with my outbursts. My quandry now is the see saw that I am on with him, believe it or not he actually has admitted to me that he knows hes difficult to live with but then he goes back to being Dr. Jekyl this is causing such an absolute drainage on me sometimes I truly want to give-up. From that second I met her I wanted her. Narcissists hate to be held accountable - Faces of Narcissism