And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. She got pregnant. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. SpaceySteph That is not her fault. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Steve Kellmeyer Do something to not have one! Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. 5. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. This gets to the basic conflict. Just once. That is a risk women take. SweetsAndBeats It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. Just shut up and pay the bills, right? iseeshiny Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Any woman who, in a divorce, grants custody of the children to the father is an immature asshole, and any woman who spends her life in her career an allows the father to raise the children is an immature asshole, because, in each of those cases, the woman is just as guilty of abdicating the role of parent as the guy here would be, and in many of them, she also doesnt even provide financial support. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. Move forward with your life. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. Thats the difference. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. But, you couldnt let him go. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. The woman also gets to choose to keep the baby if she wants (even against his wishes), and gets the added benefit of forcing an unwitting and unwilling father into servitude for what is completely and totally her choice by your own admission. Steve Kellmeyer And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. lets_be_honest And oxygen. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Its not some windfall for women. He should get a damn vasectomy. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. I must be bloody kidding myself. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. 4. Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Anthony Leonson Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. BTW, has he heard about condoms?? but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. I give up. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. LADIES he could stand her. Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. Just stay away from mens wallets. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! April 9, 2012, 5:14 pm. You dont really get a say in this matter. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. Steve Kellmeyer Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! All magically on the pill? Women dont get off requiring men to do it. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. Do you have any other questions? Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. April 9, 2012, 1:05 pm. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. SweetsAndBeats He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? If it were me, Id stay FAR away from someone as seemingly immature and callous as your exand Id get myself to therapy to deal with my OWN immaturity and callousness. Thanks for noticing, though. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Whatever. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. I dont think its necessarily fair. Chuck Pelto Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. And hes 28. He is not the end all and be all. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Move on already, LW. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. April 9, 2012, 4:44 pm. female Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? lets_be_honest lets_be_honest Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. A scumbag? However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. Read the comments. James Felix This does sound like a lot of cod wallop and baby malarky shenanigans to me as well. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. Maybe the man in me is coming out today, but in a time where all you hear about is the War on Women and how dare any man tell a woman what they can and cannot do with their bodies that anyone on here can say this man doesnt have a right to do whatever he pleases with his body. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. REALLY?! Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. LW says they were separated for two months. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Hes scum all around in my book. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. I cant even write anymore, my brain hurts. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. Yes, he had unprotected sex. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. Even people who do want to have one often suffer from some kind of depression or at least sadness. Terrance Dean. Take this as a lesson learned. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. evanscr05 It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. landygirl Do you know how much day care alone is a month? You have no say whatsoever in this situation. But woman, grow the hell up. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan Might he have continued sleeping with her? What a joke. Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. lets_be_honest I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. I feel like life for me hasnt gotten better and Im tired. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. I completely agree. Your biological child. And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. LW, your anger is misdirected. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Thank God for the real men. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. lol. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. That is what makes him a douchenozzle.